David August

Ho Kay, so we sent the freedom Doritos (B-2s) with some bunker busters and rumor is the bunker buster did not fully bust the bunkers at Fordow, like “have you driven a 30,000 pound bomb into Fordow, lately,” and the Doritos are like, “yeah, no, the penetrators did not penetrate fully, this never happens to me, I swear this is the first time I even tried this ordinance, can we just cuddle.” And Beijing, Moscow, Tehran and Pyongyang are like, “cool cool, you can’t hurt our bunkers quite as much as we thought. GBU? Guided Bomb Unit? More like Great Big Uh. Am I right?” And trumplethinskin is like, “hey man, I will totally f you up more, and like easier, you better shut up and stuff.” And like the rest of the world is out shopping for lead underwears while the penguins who got tariffed are making a defense pact with the orcas and Lichtenstein.

So, your average Sunday.

[B-2 bomber in flight, it is shaped a little like a Dorito chip.]